It’s been over a year since I last posted on this personal blog, but long story short: I graduated college, moved back to Oakland, and will be starting a new life in San Francisco at the end of the month.
I am incredibly incredulous that everything seems like it’s falling into place. Twenty-one with a full-time offer only one month after walking across the stage? Working in a position that aligns closely with my career goals? I’m in utter disbelief that my life is moving this fast, especially in the direction that I wanted it to. I can’t wait to see the world, meet people, and discover new hobbies.
But wait-- what about the relationships that I’ve cultivated these past four years? Or the routines, routes, and regimens that I’ve inadvertently become comfortable with? I’d like to keep my sunday’s at High Sierra and saturday’s spent at the funk zone, and God, I’d like to take all of my best friends from southern California with me. But time has no remorse for near endings. It will usher me into the next episode of my life without warning or sentiment, no matter how much I want to pause my story.
Granted, time has given me one lucky feature- I’m allowed to record my memories. So even If I can’t press pause or slow its pace, I can binge watch old memories, and wade in a pool of familiar people and places. And If I can’t meet up with my old friends, well, I can wallow in my nostalgia to provide me some temporary solace. And when I miss who I was or what I was doing, I can pull out my collection of recollections for comfort.
My first-year in Santa Barbara was my favorite season, and my fourth-year comes at a close second. Living in London was the best spin-off series. I miss Ryann’s relationships from older episodes, and his wardrobe from earlier seasons. And of course, I will always ship the main cast of his second-year--
--but plots change and characters leave.
I realized that rerunning these memories, over and over, is not only giving me a false sense of security, but restricting me from building a new life.
We are dynamic. Each day is a brand new episode, with a new situation, and with a new resolution. We aren’t static, but dynamic-- we grow and develop as characters every time we overcome our infinite number of subplots and dramas. We make up, break down, bend backwards, settle in, climb up, and move on. Our life is a series of choices that shape who we are, what we’ve done, and where we will go. My advice? Go with it.
I’m excited at the prospect of new opportunities, and plan to live this next chapter of my life without fear and without hesitation. Does that mean I have no qualms about where exactly I’m headed? Definitely not. But will I let my feelings of uneasiness stop me from forming a new life, with old friends and new colleagues, in familiar places and newfound spaces? Absolutely not.
I can’t wait to see where I’m going to concentrate my creative energies, or who I’ll be living life with in the future. Will old cast members join me for my next adventure? We’ll have to see.
Rest assured, I’m not moving on, but moving forward.
Forward-looking- favoring innovation and development; progressive.