It’s been over a year since I last posted on this personal blog, but long story short: I graduated college, moved back to Oakland, and will be starting a new life in San Francisco at the end of the month.
I am incredibly incredulous that everything seems like it’s falling into place. Twenty-one with a full-time offer only one month after walking across the stage? Working in a position that aligns closely with my career goals? I’m in utter disbelief that my life is moving this fast, especially in the direction that I wanted it to. I can’t wait to see the world, meet people, and discover new hobbies. But wait-- what about the relationships that I’ve cultivated these past four years? Or the routines, routes, and regimens that I’ve inadvertently become comfortable with? I’d like to keep my sunday’s at High Sierra and saturday’s spent at the funk zone, and God, I’d like to take all of my best friends from southern California with me. But time has no remorse for near endings. It will usher me into the next episode of my life without warning or sentiment, no matter how much I want to pause my story. Granted, time has given me one lucky feature- I’m allowed to record my memories. So even If I can’t press pause or slow its pace, I can binge watch old memories, and wade in a pool of familiar people and places. And If I can’t meet up with my old friends, well, I can wallow in my nostalgia to provide me some temporary solace. And when I miss who I was or what I was doing, I can pull out my collection of recollections for comfort. My first-year in Santa Barbara was my favorite season, and my fourth-year comes at a close second. Living in London was the best spin-off series. I miss Ryann’s relationships from older episodes, and his wardrobe from earlier seasons. And of course, I will always ship the main cast of his second-year-- --but plots change and characters leave. I realized that rerunning these memories, over and over, is not only giving me a false sense of security, but restricting me from building a new life. We are dynamic. Each day is a brand new episode, with a new situation, and with a new resolution. We aren’t static, but dynamic-- we grow and develop as characters every time we overcome our infinite number of subplots and dramas. We make up, break down, bend backwards, settle in, climb up, and move on. Our life is a series of choices that shape who we are, what we’ve done, and where we will go. My advice? Go with it. I’m excited at the prospect of new opportunities, and plan to live this next chapter of my life without fear and without hesitation. Does that mean I have no qualms about where exactly I’m headed? Definitely not. But will I let my feelings of uneasiness stop me from forming a new life, with old friends and new colleagues, in familiar places and newfound spaces? Absolutely not. I can’t wait to see where I’m going to concentrate my creative energies, or who I’ll be living life with in the future. Will old cast members join me for my next adventure? We’ll have to see. Rest assured, I’m not moving on, but moving forward. Forward-looking- favoring innovation and development; progressive.
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It’s been 2 months since I’ve arrived back in California after living in London for 3 months. Assimilating back into my normal routine hasn’t been a challenge at all. In fact, sometimes it feels like I never really left. I haven’t really talked much about my trip to my friends back home besides saying that it was nothing short of amazing, extremely expensive, or “so much colder than California” Occasionally I’d reveal stories like how I almost missed my flight to Barcelona or the time I paid 18 dollars for a cold sandwich, chips and a bottle of water. But all of the details about what I seen and how I felt got lost in translation between all of the inconsistent Face time calls with friends.
I miss London. I miss planning day trips with friends, trying foods I’ve never ate, walking paths I’ve only seen in photos. I miss people watching while walking around the city, seeing people walk to work, sitting on the tube, going about their daily lives in fashions so different from my own. I miss studying geography from british professors in a classroom full of british students. I miss going out for pre drinks at Spoons, and ordering sunday brunch. I miss meeting new people at hostels. Where is the Canadian guy I met in a Barcelona hostel who studied engineering but decided to follow his passion in music and travel around Europe? I miss spending too much money on drinks because I was legal, and all of the bad decisions that followed. I miss going to bars and clubs and buying bagels at 2 am. I miss wearing my black chelsea boots and bomber jacket and scarves I knew would collect dust back in California. I miss living a life in a new city where nobody knew me. After reminiscing, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m
Sometimes I get worried that I’ll never settle because of how much there is to see in the world and how much I’m willing to leave everything behind to do so. Until I figure out how to be happy with where I’m at, I’ll be going through my camera roll for the 23432452th time. |
ryann jeffThoughts, opinions, and Yahoo Answers quality advice ARCHIVES
August 2019
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