I love engaging in meaningful conversations with people. For the past two days, three friends of mine brought up the same topic of conversation: college majors and future careers. I have one friend who was told me his parents bombarded him with the “what are you doing with your life” question over the weekend. My second friend ranted to me about how irritated she feels when STEM majors feel superior over and belittle social sciences and the humanities. My third friend brought up a meaningful conversation about how her higher educational goals do not match up with society’s conventional mindsets.
After having these conversations, I realized how much college majors have an impact on a person’s view on life, others and themselves. I decided to write this blogpost because I felt like this issue should be discussed and shared with as many of my friends and peers. I’m a BA environmental studies major. That’s right a BA- Bachelor’s of Arts. I didn’t fail out of Biology. I didn’t choose this major because I wanted to spend less time in the library and more time partying. I chose it because I cared about the natural environment and the importance of sustainability. And if you’re already assuming I’m going to start preaching about how “passion is more important than job security” then keep on reading. I come from a family that believes the only way to be successful is to be:
Luckily for my sisters, the healthcare profession did not only align with my parents' dreams, it was also in their blood and character. They had the loving and empathetic personality, motivation to help people, and interest to treat patients bedside or behind the microscope. For me however, I planned my future according to what my parents believed were the only ways to be successful, even if it didn't correlate to my own personal desires. And for a second their brainwashing abilities actually worked; I wanted to be an engineer. Since I was eight years old, the only thing I dreamt about was graduating from UCLA with a bachelor’s degree in computer science and engineering. I have a project I wrote in 3rd grade that said “I want to be an engineer because I want to make computer chips and computer games.” I didn't have the slights idea of what engineers actually do. As I grew older, I became more passionate about subjects like writing, public relations, community service, planning, environmental studies, international studies and government. My brain always worked best when given an assignment or project that allowed me to be as creative and flexible as possible. I realized that the things I was interested in didn’t align with the medical or scientific field. Deciding what I wanted to do was difficult. Looking back, the only reason it was a complicated process was because my family’s and society’s values had clouded all the options and possibilities that were available for me to explore. My parents told me that no other majors were worth considering because they weren't profitable. Society supported their opinions, and to make it worse, society also said I had to decide what I wanted to do for the rest of my life at eighteen. There was so much pressure to plan out my life without having enough time to explore what I wanted to do with enough comfort and support during the process. I’m not saying that my parents and society are wrong. Factually, STEM majors lead to lucrative careers. I am fully aware that some majors do not lead to guaranteed jobs post graduation. And I acknowledge the fact that I am paying thousands of dollars for my education that I’m going to have to pay back in the future. All of these facts are making myself, my friends and all of the other hundreds of students surrounding me in my lecture halls stressed, anxious and paranoid. I have STEM friends who don’t eat or sleep during the week to get at least a fifty percent on their midterm. I have economics and accounting friends who work tirelessly to make it over the 2.85 GPA requirement that the educational bureaucracy imposes on all of the aspiring CPA’s. I have friends in the humanities who feel incompetent because their peers, their parents and the world around them believe that they are working for a worthless degree that won’t get them anywhere. I’m not an academic advisor here to tell you what path you should and shouldn’t take. I’m here to remind you that there is no "end all be all" road to success. I think the biggest misconception about careers is that there are only a limited number of options. Before stressing out about getting into a major, explore other options. Realize that there are more jobs than your family or society says there are. With my major and additional background experience: I have the potential to become:
I can work for the government, a private organization or firm, a laboratory, or a start-up. And that’s not all. I could go to graduate school and concentrate on public health or public policy or epidemiology. I can take extra prerequisites at community college and apply for nursing school. I can double-major. I can supplement my resume by focusing on job experience over GPA. I can learn practical skills for administrative work or take classes in GIS. What I’m trying to say is that there are many roads that can lead to the same success story. There isn’t a cookie cutter process that has to be followed. You can begin whenever. You can change your mind. Research before assuming. Build a network of people from your discipline and learn that there are different ways to attain your idea of success. If it doesn't work out one way, find another way. Create another way. Even if your educational or career goals don't match up with your parents, remind them that you're a motivated and hardworking person. I don't think our families and friends realize how hard we work and how much we stress out about making sure we have a planned path. We sacrifice sleep and fun. We study more than they think we do. The fact that we're success-hungry already demonstrates just how successful we will be in the future. True success is based on whether or not you are a goal-getter; whether you're willing enough to put in the work, passion and drive in whatever success you're pursuing. Success is different for everyone. It might involve getting into medical or law school. It might mean doing whatever you can to help as many people as possible in other ways- through social work, non-profit, teaching or public health. It might mean developing your own talents- in art, dance, music, writing or photography. Whatever it is, it’s yours and yours alone. It isn’t and shouldn’t be everyone else’s success story. Society continues to regurgitate the same idea that STEM will make you succeed even if it means getting hurt, discouraged, or bored in the process. The world needs an eclectic community that offers a variety of potential and hidden talent. To ALL students- continue to work hard, take care of yourself and be flexible. Figuring out the next step might mean taking a detour or side road, but as long as you focus on what you're doing and letting everyone else navigate their own trek, you’re accomplishing half of your success already.
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Over winter break, my cousin recommended that I read And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hoesseni. The novel takes place in 20th century Afghanistan and revolves around the relationship between a separated family. There's a quote in the book that particularly stuck out to me:
"But it is important to know this, to know your roots. To know where you started as a person. If not your own life seems unreal to you. Like a puzzle. Like you have missed the beginning of a story and now you are in the middle of it, trying to understand." When I read this quote, I started to think more deeply about my roots. In a previous post, I talked about how it feels like I'm living more than one life. I've moved and evolved and experienced so much in my life it's hard to connect the pieces into one coherent collection of memories; It's convoluted. I know a lot of people who believe life is about creating themselves and disassociating with their past. People move cities or transfer to different schools attempting to be "someone else". Can you really run away from your past? I was raised by my parents who were both immigrants from the Philippines. My generation of siblings and cousins are first-born americans; we were destined to live the American dream even before birth. Growing up Filipino-American was different from growing up in a stereotypical American family. There were no family game nights or dinners asking how everyone's day was going. I wasn't talked to in a more loving or respectful manner when I was being scolded. I felt governed and controlled. The choices I made growing up were products of my parents hopes and desires. How was I supposed to make my family proud and fulfill the model minority stereotype that everyone around me expected me to be. The pressure to succeed and be the person my parents would love and accept induced psychological anxiety in me. I wasn't allowed to fail. This made every small failure growing up feel like my entire life was falling apart. How was I supposed to carry on the traditions of my family while simultaneously adapting to western society? It made the journey of self-discovery even more difficult. There was a point in my life where I didn't want to be Asian. I remember wishing I was caucasian because I was so embarrassed about my roots and the way I grew up. I didn't want to be associated with being good at math or playing the piano. I wasn't good at either. I didn't want to be perceived as docile and quiet. I didn't want weird looks whenever my friends looked inside my refrigerator or heard my parents try to understand the person on the other end of customer service. I tried distancing myself from my culture; I stopped eating the foods and listening to the tagalog music I sang and danced to as a kid. I tried so hard to be someone else. Looking back, I'm ashamed of the process I underwent trying to figure out my identity. To be ashamed about the people and culture that supported me my entire life is one of my only regrets.There was so much time wasted not talking to my parents and opening up to them. So much time wasted not learning the language or the recipes of the food. So much time wasted forgetting how hard my parents and other immigrants work so hard to provide their children with a life equal to their western counterparts, despite starting at a disadvantage. My roots define who I am. If I were to forget everything and everyone that provided the foundation for all of my failures and achievements, I would have lost a fundamental piece of myself. I was taught discipline and hardwork.I was taught the importance of family. I was taught that God and faith came first. Most importantly, I was taught that love wasn't hearing "I love you" every single day. It was "Come home now it's late" and "put on two layers of jackets it's cold" or "don't drive it's raining hard". Even though I never heard the eight letter, three-word phrase every day, I learned to see and appreciate love in some of the smallest gestures and I owe it all to my parents. I belong to a community that values education and good morality; a community that inspires me to continue to work hard and represent a culture that lacks idols in government and the media. I know that my children and children's children won't grow up in the same environment and culture that I did, but I hope to continue the traditions and cultures, and remind them of the roots that sowed the seeds of their fruitful life and bountiful success. Watching TV and reading books is by far one of my favorite ways of passing time. When I'm not binge watching or looking up movie soundtracks and post-film interviews, I find myself day dreaming in lecture about last nights episode or coming up with a number of alternative endings while I drive home from school. Walter Mitty isn't the only person living a secret life.
I love fiction. I love dystopian societies, coming of age plots, melodramatic love stories, and the journey of a hero. I love helping Scott Mccall and his wolf pack take down his next malevolent mythological villain. I love using my mediocre knowledge about law and criminology to help Annalise and the Keating 5 get away with their next murder. I love delving into the unknown, the completely surreal and utterly fascinating spirit realm crafted by Miyazaki. I want the call to adventure and the threshold to my next voyage. I want to climb mountains, face adversity, cross paths, jump off buildings, get hurt, and get back up. I want to resurrect from rock bottom and return home with the elixir of life. I guess the real reason I love movies and shows is because I get to step away from the drama of my own life and be completely absorbed in another. I've become so enthralled with the idea of leaving my monotonous routine and escaping (even if it's for 60 minutes or less) to a world where I can be and do anything. Most of all, I love fiction because the hero always triumphs. Despite any adversity and sudden death, some miraculous intervention rekindles their strength and will, enough to help them complete their conquests. I don't always win. I fail, accomplish a little, and fail a lot more. The race gets hard to run and the waves get stronger. The tides pull me in deeper and I sink a lot quicker. How do I face the demons and shadows in my life; the internal and external conflicts like getting into my major, my self-diagnosed anxiety and broken relationships. Where's my trusted ally and fairy god mother to save me and give me strength? When will I spread my wings and catch myself from a fall or evolve in the midst of chaos. I don't, but my favorite fictional characters always do. I have more confidence and reassurance in their success over my own. Life isn't fiction. That's the reason why we love them. It's the same reason why authors write them. We escape our reality and make a new one that surpasses any boundaries and limitations that we face in our own lives. It's a controlled dream. And while I advocate the importance of dreaming and relaxing, I also realize how detrimental it is to pick the red pill and dive into the rabbit hole. It's escapism. Rather than escaping, be inspired by the trials and tribulations of your favorite heroes. Believe in yourself the way you believe in them. When you look at your life in retrospect, you start to notice all of the failures and successes and how each of those have affected your own heroic journey. We might not have a Sam to our Frodo, but we do have loyal companions and allies. We might not have Dumbledore or Professor X telling us our next best move, but we do have parents, teachers and mentors who are all willing to help support us in our own journeys. Our entire life is a monomyth; a journey not seen or read, but felt and experienced. There's always a point in the quarter when I want to drop everything I'm doing and book the quickest ride back to the Bay Area. I love my little piece of California Paradise,
but there's honestly nothing compared to being surrounded by the urban sub city, my favorite foods and Voss water from my own sink. This weekend, I decided I need to step away from the constant stress associated with school and work, my dirty apartment and ham sandwiches for breakfast lunch and dinner. It was probably the best decision I've made this whole quarter. On Saturday morning, I went to Pismo Beach to celebrate my sister's birthday. I started the day fairly early. Waking up at 6 AM after a night out in Isla Vista was hard, but if you know me well, I can't sacrifice sleep for a good time with good company. After not seeing my sisters since winter break, I was ecstatic to finally hang out.. I cherish my relationship with them, so any opportunity to be with them is one I'm willing to drop any other plans for. My entire Saturday was spent riding ATVs on the Sand Dunes in Pismo, eating at Splash Cafe, and walking down the beach and pier. Believe me when I say I tried the best clam chowder and enjoyed some of the best february weather in my entire life. The rest of my weekend was spent catching up on my version R&R- eating a home cooked meal and catching up on How to Get Away With Murder on my living room couch. This weekend reminded me of how lucky I am to have such amazing family and friends that can make me feel happy without even trying. I don't look forward to returning back to midterms and Mcdonald's, but I am grateful for being able to experience some calm before the storm. Lent is a season of self-examination. I use this liturgical period of the year to reflect on my life, the current values I hold and figure out the steps I need to take to become born again and to become closer to Jesus and his way of life. I'm a sinner. I probably do more sinful things than I realize because of how commonplace it is in society. I'm a moral and ethical person at heart, but vice always seems to triumph over virtue in my life. This year, I'm particulraly focusing on the deadly vice of pride.
I'm not one to brag about my life directly. I don't boast my accomplishments or hold myself on a high pedestal. I do however, indirectly pride myself on the attention I receive from people, something I want to get rid of in my life. To be frank, social media is an outlet where I have the ability to indirectly talk about the cool things that I'm doing, post pictures of places no one else has the opportunity to go, and create a digital life that manifests into something that people might percieve luxurious or unique. I hate it. I hate how I enjoy receiving likes on social media, making other people slightly jealous without it being obvious, and getting jealous when I see other people relishing in a fruitful life that makes me scrutinize my own. For these reasons, I'm giving up social media. Not only because editing photos and coming up with clever captions distracts me from enjoying the present moment. Not only because I'm probably going to do better in school without having to check social media. I'm giving up social media to finally escape the withdrawals I have when I'm away from being occupied in someone else's life other than my own. I'm giving up social media to learn how to love my life without having to make other people feel bad about theirs. According to the First Law of Thermodynamics, energy is neither created or destroyed but is merely transformed. This principle that has now been engraved into my mind courtesy of my environmental energy class, is a principle I can apply to my own lenten transformation. I don't want to destroy any part of me and create a whole new person, I merely hope to manifest my potential energy; I want to catalyze my potential to become a better person. Energy undergoes conversion. Conversion means transforming an old way of living and acting in order to embrace new life in Christ. By the end of the lenten season, I know I will return to using social media. However, I hope I no longer have to rely on it. I want to express myself and inherently know that i am doing it as a form of art rather than self-seeking motives. In the meantime, I will be using my free time updating this blog and make writing part of my daily (probably weekly) routine. Whenever I have the chance to step away from my daily responsibilities and social interaction, I find myself thinking about my life and how it has changed so much. I think about all the things I’ve seen and experienced, all of the things I enjoyed and hated, all of the people I’ve met and loved. When I compare all of these facets of my past life to my current one, I’m astounded by the amount of change I’ve undergone along each and every life I’ve lived.
We only live one life. But the way I see it, life has many lives within itself. Similar to the way there are infinite numbers that exist within a bounded set or string of pearls that make up one necklace, there is an extensive number of days, months, and years we are given to be different each and every moment. Today, I’m a 19-year-old college student listening to Chet Faker and Kygo in my duplex right across the California coast. I have friends from all over the state who introduce me to different perspectives on life and let me live vicariously through their experiences all while making new ones together. And just a few years ago I was a 16-year-old catholic high school student who suppressed his angst and saturnine mentality by listening to indie bands like Manchester orchestra and two-door cinema club in his green bedroom. And before that, I was a middle school want-to-be bad boy who idolized Akon, rocked air force 1s and retro 4’s, and got kicked out of stores and movie theaters. I’m a dynamic character with unique nuances, polar opposite friend groups, a variety of past and present interests that don’t seem to connect. It’s hard to believe that through all the changes and shifts from one life to another, I‘m inherently the same spirit with a physically, mentally and emotionally changing mind and body. At least my hairstyle has generally been consistent. Sometimes I wonder if a person can remain the same throughout their life. Can someone really be friends with the same people, enamored by the same hobbies and bring their instagram aesthetic to the grave with them? I think the best part about life is that we have the opportunity to be who we want to be, and change our minds when we want to. We’re not limited to staying in one place and we’re definitely not limited to associating with the same people. The ability and opportunity to change, to be open to something completely new and out of your comfort zone is the catalyst that will get you from one life to the next. Even though we don’t get to physically live a new life, we are offered this limited time to go through stages of experimentation that become a life of their own. Next year, I might be an international student studying in London, developing a new habit of drinking English breakfast as I swipe my oyster card instead of balancing my Folgers’s iced coffee on the bike path. And maybe the year after that I’ll drop everything and move to Latin America and join the Peace Corps. And in 50 years, maybe I quit my lucrative career to be a sailor somewhere on the east coast. No one would ever know I was once an inner-city native, private-catholic nerd and a California beach bro. I’m not sure where or who I’m going to be, but knowing that I have a million opportunities to do it over and over again makes life worth living. I cherish the relationships I have with people immensely. My parents, best friends, all of the acquaintances that make an appearance in my life- they all give me purpose to continue loving and living. There’s something about social interaction that energizes my soul. I love starting a conversation with the cashier at the liquor store or stranger on the bus. I love being surrounded by friends and family. I love meeting new people at parties and forming new relationships with new coworkers. Part of my personality enjoys being surrounded by people constantly, even if no conversation or interaction is exchanged. I prefer to invite my cousin over to sit next to me while I watch TV without talking than being alone. That’s how much I hate being by myself sometimes.
Another part of my personality that I only realized recently is that I actually don’t enjoy being surrounded by people. I don’t know if this shift is because I’ve become more cruel and introverted or because I’ve lost all of the energy needed for social interaction to long days of school and work. I can have all my friends hanging out at the apartment but still choose to go upstairs and lay in bed alone. I can leave a party by myself without feeling the need to walk home with someone or force myself to stay and socialize. I’ve only started to notice this kind of “mad grandpa” behavior recently, but I’ve also gotten closer to figuring out why I choose to separate myself from what I used to enjoy more than anything. Before, I loved having as many friends as possible and being part of different social groups. I loved hopping around back and forth between different personalities and social events and returning home at the end of the day thinking about how awesome it is to be able to relate to so many different types of people. After high school it seemed like my sphere of relationships started growing smaller. I stopped hanging out with so many people that I started questioning the kinds of friendships I formed. At one point I had people asking me to hangout and years later I’m going through my contacts wondering where all these people went and why they aren’t involved in my life anymore. I have this new, irrational fear of losing everyone I love. The only connections I want to make now are ones that aren’t on the surface. Sure, I love meeting people still and breaking ice. But once all that is done, I don’t really see any of them again. I finally understood what it meant to be “surrounded by a sea of people and still feel all alone.” I had too many relationships I couldn’t hold onto and didn’t focus on the ones that could have mattered. Now, I prefer building strong relationships with the people I want to surround myself with. I want to have deep conversations and feel connected to people. I’m trying to avoid trusting and relying on “surface” friendships that don’t manifest into something greater once the party has ended or the tab for lunch is placed on the table. These fair-weather friends are great to have fun with, but not to rely on in times of distress. I need more meaningful friendships in my life and less artificial friendships that are founded on mutual classes or friends or organizations. In the end, I choose to be introverted and alone rather than constantly being around people I don’t feel “get me”. Still, I want to meet more people and hopefully find some that make it past insincere surface conversations. Don’t ask me how many units I’m taking or how my love life is going after months of no talk. You don’t care and I don’t care to have you in my life. I just got back home for thanksgiving a few days ago and it's been the most relaxing week I've had in while. Right now, I'm sitting at my kitchen table, drinking green tea out of my favorite disney mug, making my go-to toast and butter breakfast and contemplating how I want to spend my day. I can hike Joaquin Miller Park, run Lake Merritt, or continue flipping through HBO and catch up on new music videos on demand. Everything's exactly the same as it was before. The green tea is in its same plastic jar, the butter is still hard to spread and the park is still a short drive. Why then does everything feel slightly different? Is it because my sister moved out of the house and my other sister is in graduate school? Is it because my friends are preoccupied with their own families and lives? Partially. I shouldn't expect things to always be the same. I can't seek refuge from stress or alienation or loneliness from another side and know that I can go back to my old relationships and old self before I had ever left. As much as I am nostalgic for people and home and the way things were, or hope that friends and family don't ever change, the biggest misconception about crossing the threshold and returning from our journey is that we change.
Every year I'm a little different. Every year I wrap myself in a new cocoon of changes, learn and grow, and finally shed a part of myself. I don't see it or feel it right away, but as soon as I read something from my past or look at old pictures or hear a song I loved, I am reminded of how fast I change. Every year my collection of memories and ideas and interests and personalities grow while my sphere of past relationships shrink. Every year I'm left with all these pieces of myself and others that I can no longer share, but carry with me until my collection turns into a hoard of memories. I think I've outgrown who I used to be. I'm trying to fit myself into small childhood clothes to salvage the remaining pieces of myself and keep them alive before they're added to the collection. Instead of holding onto every part of me, I know that the best thing to do is make room for new changes. There's a lot more headed for me and trying to return to the same comfort zone that I'm outgrowing isn't the best option. Ultimately, I must accept the fact that as I change, I wont see things or people the same way. I shouldn't hold myself back from change in order to keep the past alive. I must move forward like everyone else. For my ES 190: Environmental Careers course, I had to write an essay on my current career goals and aspirations and what inspired these decisions. After hearing "Why are you majoring in Environmental Science?" and "What are you going to do with that?" so many times, I've decided to just post my answer to the prompt on this blog. I love what I do and can't wait to do more of it.
One’s identity is a collection of one’s background, morals, experiences, and aspirations. Growing up in Oakland, California has really defined and shaped the person I am today. Typically, people perceive Oakland as a hot spot for crime, danger, and poverty. While these odds may be true, Oakland is much more than what is shown on television screens and newspaper headlines. Oakland remains to be one of the most culturally diverse communities in the nation. More importantly, Oakland provided a foundation for my personal and career goals. I have spent the majority of my time in my neighborhood and in local public areas. Whether I am walking to the local farmer’s market or hiking around Joaquin Miller Park, I always find comfort in this vibrant community that I consider an extension of my home. Upon entering high school in Alameda, California, I became more interested in the importance of the environment and natural world. While reading the works of Transcendentalist authors like Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry Thoreau in my English class, I was immediately drawn to the beauty of life and serenity one can achieve by immersing themselves in nature. After taking AP Environmental Science, my perception of the world had changed entirely. The impact our society has created on our natural world is detrimental to the health of our entire planet. I wanted to apply the material I learned into real life in an effort to preserve earth’s natural resources and beauty. Changing my own lifestyle wasn’t the only thing I wanted to accomplish; I wanted to change my school and my community. During this time, I volunteered for various organizations, such as St. Vincent De Paul and the Oakland Catholic Worker and led the Environmental Awareness Club in my High School. It was after volunteering when I realized that doing good things for others with absolute genuineness and sincerity is one of the most rewarding and worthwhile feelings a person can ever experience. Looking back on my experiences, I knew I wanted to do something that would help people and the physical world as a career. I love working with people, formulating ideas, planning events and communicating with different people. As a product of my experiences, I take greater notice of the drawbacks prevalent in my community. In addition to global and national environmental problems like global warming, drought, overpopulation and consumption of natural resources, I also take into account the importance of public health and well-being. Polluted streets and waters systems, run-down buildings and outdated facilities that run on unsustainable (wasteful) energy were some of the many things I wanted to change. Developing a sustainable city that would foster a happier and healthier community by changing our transportation systems or restoring natural area were ideas I wanted to turn into realities. By changing some of these drawbacks, Oakland had the potential of becoming a sustainable, modern and lively community. These endless ideas and visions serve as a foundation for my zeal and fervor to help both the people in my community and the environment. Now that I am preparing myself for my future career, I realize that the opportunity for me to help communities socially and environmentally is available to me through UCSB. Currently, I’m a BA Environmental Studies Major and Professional Writing Minor interested in emphasizing in urban and regional planning or air, soil and water quality management. This emphasis is interdisciplinary and requires in-depth knowledge not only in environmental science but also in economics, policy, and geography. After my undergraduate career, I hope to get my masters in Urban Planning at a California university such as UC Berkeley, UCLA, UC Irvine, USC, Cal Poly, or San Diego State University (A boy can dream). So far, I’ve been maintaining an above average GPA in my prerequisites for my major while simultaneously taking classes that are both interesting and relate to what I want to focus in. For example, I’m currently taking Architecture and the Environment, an area F general education requirement. I feel that this class will expand my knowledge on architecture and sustainability, a minor but fundamental component in urban and regional planning. I am also taking an upper division Environmental Studies lab course in green building, where I will gain hands-on experience in Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design. I’m also planning on taking GIS courses to gain spatial and geographical knowledge. I feel as though these courses contribute to my emphasis and interests in Urban and City Planning. In addition to classes, I am also working with UCSB’s Your Children’s Trees as an Urban Forestry Restoration Intern and volunteer as a Cultural Mentor in the Living Learning Communities for Housing and Residential Services. These positions allow me to gain more experience in communication and project management necessary for other jobs and internships to come. At the same time, I get to help the environment and people. Someday, I hope to return to the Bay Area and utilize all of my experience and knowledge to incorporate sustainable practices in cities like San Francisco and Oakland. Aside from my professional aspirations, my personal love for writing, travel and culture has prompted my dream of backpacking around the world, living amongst other cultures and helping others along the way. I’m planning on studying abroad sometime my junior and senior year. I hope to continue developing my writing not only to possess a critical skill in the job market, but also to document my personal journey, other cultures and my living environment and share it with the world. In a way, my career goals have become intertwined with my personal goals. I aspire to take on the mission of being a humanitarian; a moral I uphold as a product of my experiences in learning about history, living in my community and forming relationships with different people. I am who I am for reasons beyond talents and interests. I am pieces of my culture, my community and my world, which I have come to learn and grow from. Recently, I read this article on Facebook called “Why I’ve Stopped Focusing on the Future Me.” It's almost miraculous that it made its way onto my feed (clearly a sign from the powers above me). After reading this perspective piece, I felt immediately relieved. Not just because I could finally set aside all of these internship and job applications, but because there are people who understand just how difficult and draining it is to attain future “perfection”.
I’ve always had an unhealthy obsession with perfection. Ever since the hash tag #goals movement stemmed from social media a few years ago, I’ve stopped at nothing trying to fulfill those titles for myself. When I’m not reaching these goals, I lack more and more self-worth. I dream about my future and the kind of person I will be more than I think about past or present moments. It’s a bad habit. I can sit in bed and think about how I’m going to be successful and rich in my mid-twenties with an EQ3 furnished penthouse in San Francisco, jet setting between London and California and professionally exploring for National Geographic's new feature on Greenland's Aurora Borealis. But in all seriousness, I spend ample time looking for new internships, jobs, and resume builders to jumpstart my career. At the same time I'm placing a 4.0, fun social life and fitness among other self-fulfilling priorities. The author hit close to home when she says, “No matter how successful we have been to date, there is something in the back of our minds telling us that we need to do more, say more, be more, lean in, lean out, break through the glass ceiling, live the perfect “Pinterest” life.” My idea of a good, fulfilling day is a long run, at least 2 more submitted job applications, and study sessions until I feel worthy of myself (or feel like passing out). I check Gaucho link and Indeed.com more times a day than I check my Instagram. It’s exhausting. Spending your life trying to perfect your life isn’t living. This article makes a good point that I need to remind myself: “We shouldn’t see ourselves as big projects to be worked on, big mistakes to be fixed. It’s hard to snap out of it, but we really should be focusing on how wonderful we are now.” The only way we can break away from our obsession with perfecting ourselves with the future is to feel confident about who we are now. Not only are we damaging our self-perception of ourselves by constantly working toward obsessive goals, we are also wasting present moments by focusing on the future. I need to start doing things out of pure love rather than prestige. Setting goals for ourselves is important. Just make sure the next time you're scheduling future plans for yourself, you leave generous time for appreciating the present people, present moments and your present self. |
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August 2019
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