Lately, I’ve been reading more about numerology and learning about my “Personal Year” and “Life Path Period”. I’m a big astrology junkie and myers-briggs enthusiast, so using the significance of the stars or numbers or personality quizzes to define who I am or help guide some of the biggest decisions I make is nowhere farfetched to me. After doing some simple calculations from this website, I found out that my “Personal Year” is Personal Year 1: the start of a 9 year life cycle. Personal Year 1 is defined as a new beginning:
Personal Year 1 holds the promise of being an exciting new adventure, with life taking on new challenges that pave the way for the next cycle of nine years in your life. This is a time to clarify your goals and it is a time to act on them. Hard work may be necessary to get a new venture moving. Your physical strength will be up during this year, perhaps higher than it has been for some time, as you have some special needs for this extra energy.
With my study abroad trip starting in less than a month, it’s evident that I’m going to be embarking on an entirely new journey. With 2016 almost half over, I can attest to the fact that I’ve organized my priorities, set clear goals, and have already overcome some challenges. My slate feels clean and I’m ready to take on this new chapter or cycle of my life with some confidence.
Every new beginning follows a goodbye. I’m not a fan of goodbyes- I was the toddler who cried while being dragged away from the swingset at the park, the kid that said goodbye to each piece of furniture in the house before going on vacation, the middle schooler that wasn’t ready to give away his video games to his nephew and the high schooler that took pictures with every best friend, teacher or acquaintance in close proximity at graduation. My heart beats faster when I flip to the last page of a book and I let the credits roll until the end after every movie.
I thought moving to Santa Barbara my freshmen year was going to be the hardest goodbye for me. I knew I wouldn’t be seeing my family in a while, my best friends in a long time, and everyone else forever. I could say “see you later” to my go-to sushi restaurant or my comfortable bed with complete reassurance, but I knew the moment my friends and I left the bay area was the moment that things would never be exactly the same way as it was before. I had to accept it, and I did. And now, none of it really matters. But as new beginnings unfolded and more memories were created, I knew that a new, and even more challenging “see you soon” would eventually come. That moment is now.
Being able to know exactly what to wear by looking outside my window, easily navigate my way through isla vista, or find solace in familiar faces on my living room couch is a heartwarming and secure feeling that I hate to have to let go. I’ll miss nights galavanting the streets of IV, studying in Davidson, riding along the bike paths to class, and staring at the sun set over the Pacific. Above all, I’ll miss my friends the most; the ones that I’ve become so accustomed to seeing around, living around and being myself around. I’ve shared so much with these people- many freebirds nachos, many late night hours studying, many intoxicated nights, many uncontrollable laughs, many mini-breakdowns, and many, many 2 AM conversations about secrets, desires or theories about the afterlife. Leaving them feels like I’m leaving a part of myself.
I don’t really appreciate how content I truly am until the moment is over. I realized just how comfortable, content and secure I feel with the way things are in my life. I’ve successfully learned to be independent, adjusted to my surroundings, and can rely on certain people in my life to be there for me no matter what. Why would anyone in their right minds choose to leave that behind to live in a new city where you don’t know anything or anyone? I’m completely enamored with new ideas and new possibilities, but am just realizing that I love to do this in the construct of my own level of comfort and security. So as I was watching my last sunset in Santa Barbara or eating my last dinner with my best friends until next year, I knew I was also saying goodbye to everything I’m used to. Choosing to leave when you’re unhappy is easy. Choosing to leave when you’re content with the way things are takes courage. It’s a change I’m willing to make and a change I know will positively impact my life.
Starting an entirely new “life cycle” is daunting. If I were to listen and apply numerology into my life, and am unable or unwilling to “answer the call to change and make the move in my life that appears necessary now”, then my prospects may be “delayed until the next cycle begins in nine years.” I know this is the year for me to embark on another adventure and to do so, I have to leave all of the nostalgia behind in the previous life cycle. In the words of Richard Bach’s Running from Safety: An Adventure of the Spirit, “It must happen to us all…We pack up what we’ve learned so far and leave the familiar behind. No fun, that shearing separation, but somewhere within, we must dimly know that saying goodbye to safety brings the only security we’ll ever know.” Nostalgia holds me back from making room for new places, new people and new memories to appreciate.